Want Better Relationships? Start with Your Screen Habits

Do you remember a time when you couldn’t wait to see a friend and tell them a story, only for them to suddenly reach for their phone and start scrolling mid-sentence? Or maybe you’ve caught yourself doing the same: scrolling through social media instead of engaging in conversation, because it didn’t seem “interesting enough.” Or perhaps you picked up your phone simply because someone else did first?

That’s phubbing and it’s contagious.

When it hit me

It was her birthday. The whole family showed up. There was cake, candles, gifts, laughter, and celebration. Later that evening, Grandma began telling stories from her childhood. Almost everyone was looking at their phones. Our eyes met and it struck me: this has gone too far.

Phubbing might seem harmless, but it has real consequences on our friendships, relationships, and social wellbeing.

Our phones buzz, light up, and demand our attention. Sometimes we’re bored. Sometimes we’re distracted by a notification. Or maybe we just want to check directions, look something up, or respond to a message. But one tap leads to another, we check socials, emails, the news, and suddenly we’ve zoned out of the conversation. Eye contact is broken. The other person is left sitting there, feeling ignored or rejected.

It becomes a habit, one that slowly erodes the quality of our relationships. And because our social connections are the foundation of community and society, this habit matters more than we think. Phubbing shouldn’t be ignored, it deserves a place in the larger discussion around technology use.

But is it really that bad?

Studies have shown that phubbing in romantic relationships decreases satisfaction and negatively affects mental health. One study (Roberts & David, 2016) found that the more one partner phubbed the other, the less satisfied both felt with the relationship and the more likely they were to experience depressive symptoms. Relationship satisfaction, in turn, is linked to overall life satisfaction and emotional wellbeing.

And it’s not just romantic partners. Phubbing happens between friends, family members, coworkers and teens. A 2018 study by Franchina and colleagues found that FOMO (fear of missing out) may be a driver behind phubbing, especially among teens, and that problematic social media use mediates this relationship. Across different types of relationships, phubbing negatively impacts our connections - no matter the context (Bulut & Nazir, 2020).

How often do you find yourself phubbing without noticing?

Phubbing might be common, but that doesn’t mean it has to be normal. Being mindful of how and when we use our devices can help us reconnect with others, and with the present moment.

So what can we do about it?

Start with small, intentional actions. Don’t leave your phone on the table during meals. Put it in your bag, your jacket, or leave it in another room.

If someone phubs you, try not to retaliate. Gently ask a question to bring them back into the conversation.

During your next digital detox, try counting how often you feel the urge to check your phone. Just noticing it is the first step toward change. Growth hides in the smallest moments.

Guest writer Rafa - passionate about cyberpsychology, ethical tech, and sustainable design, I seek balance through mindful creation, digital stillness, and a life rooted in both nature and meaning.

References

Roberts, J. A., & David, M. E. (2016). My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners. Computers in Human Behavior, 54, 134–141. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2015.07.058

Franchina, V., Vanden Abeele, M., van Rooij, A. J., Lo Coco, G., & De Marez, L. (2018). Fear of missing out as a predictor of problematic social media use and phubbing behavior among Flemish adolescents. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 15(10), 2319. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph15102319

Bulut, S., & Nazir, T. (2020). Phubbing phenomenon: A wildfire which invades our social communication and life. Open Journal of Medical Psychology, 9(1), 1–6. https://doi.org/10.4236/ojmp.2020.91001